


a freight train running through the middle of my head

by Blacksneakers



Category: Dare Me (TV 2019), Dare Me - Megan Abbott
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/F, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23484259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blacksneakers/pseuds/Blacksneakers
Summary: Addy and Beth, the spring before.
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	a freight train running through the middle of my head

**Author's Note:**

> this takes place the spring before the events of the book/show.  
> title from "i'm on fire" by bruce springsteen.

“We’re going to Baja,” Beth tells Addy. “For break. And we’re leaving Friday, like, right after school. So I can’t come over next weekend.” 

She sounds apologetic, but she’s not actually apologizing for anything, and she’s not looking at Addy, either. They’re outside Addy’s house after a run. It’s one of those sad, wet, disappointing spring afternoons, or maybe it’s just Addy who’s sad, wet, and disappointed. She’d been looking forward to next weekend for weeks, the promise of Just you and me getting her through hours of pointless classes and boring homework. For some reason, the idea of being alone with Beth—no boys, no one else from the squad, not even RiRi—seemed special, even exciting. Addy doesn’t know why. But now it doesn’t matter, because it’s not even going to happen. 

But she doesn’t say any of that out loud. 

“That’s cool,” she says. “I hope you have fun.” She smiles like she doesn’t care, then starts moving toward the door. “Bye.”

Beth frowns. “Where are you going?”

“I have to finish my trig homework,” Addy lies. “I didn’t finish it in study hall, remember?” She and Beth ditched study hall that afternoon to smoke in the second-floor bathroom; by the end of the period, Addy had forgotten trig entirely.

Beth rolls her eyes. “Have fun,” she says. “Text me later?” Addy notices that Beth sounds hesitant, maybe for the first time ever. It’s kind of satisfying, in a weird way that Addy doesn’t want to unpack. 

“Whatever,” she says, already halfway through the door. She doesn’t look back.

She doesn’t text Beth later. She doesn’t text Beth all night. 

When Addy walks into study hall the next day, Beth doesn’t even look at her. She’s at her desk with her headphones in, blasting that shitty metal music Addy hates. When Addy sits down, she sees that Beth is texting someone named Ryan who really, really wants to know what color her underwear is. 

Addy waits and waits to get Beth’s attention, tries and fails to ignore the tap-tap-tap of Beth’s fingers on her phone screen, then leans over and slaps Beth’s phone out of her hands. She watches as it falls; the case makes it bounce a little on the tile floor. Beth glares at her. “Addy, what the fuck?”

Right away, Addy feels embarrassed. She tries to play it off. “I guess I was just bored,” she says, feigning nonchalance. Beth raises her eyebrows and doesn’t say anything at first, but Addy can tall she’s not mad. After all, Beth is and always has been the queen of doing stupid, destructive shit because she was “bored.” Real recognizes real.

Within a few minutes, they’re not in study hall anymore, Ryan and his twenty questions game about Beth’s panties long forgotten. They end up outside, underneath the trees by the gym doors, huddled together with their hands fisted into their jacket pockets in the cold April air. “Let’s go somewhere,” Addy says. Beth smiles the real, soft smile she only reserves for Addy. “Where?” she asks.

Addy suddenly finds herself feeling shy with the force of all of Beth’s attention—and it really is a force, heavy and intense— directed toward her at once. She shrugs. “Anywhere.”

Beth laughs. “How specific.”

Addy shoves her. “Fuck off. Maybe I want you to decide.” 

Beth drives them to Lanvers and they lie down on the hood of Beth’s jeep, sharing Addy’s headphones. Beth reaches over and, pointedly not looking at Addy, grabs her hand. “What is it?”

“It’s fucking freezing, my fingers were going numb,” Beth says, still not looking at Addy. 

Addy sighs. “You’re such a baby,” she says, but she laces their fingers together anyway, pulling their combined hands into her jacket pocket. She can see Beth blushing, but she decides to be nice and doesn’t say anything about it, just smiles when she feels Beth’s thumb tracing circles on the back of her hand. They don’t have to talk.

Thursday afternoon Addy’s about to get into her car to go home when she gets the text: party @ nick’s 2nite. u in? She says yes. Friday is the last day before break; it doesn’t count. 

Later, Addy half wonders if she should have said no. She’s half drunk, squeezed onto a ratty basement couch between Beth and RiRi, and she doesn’t remember how or when the drink in her hand got there, but it’s almost empty. RiRi’s making out with her boyfriend, all hands and tongues, and Beth has her eyes on a guy on the other side of the room. Addy puts her hand on Beth’s arm, pulling her attention away from him. Beth turns to look at her; she’s drunker than Addy, relaxed and flushed pink all over. Addy feels more than sees Beth giving her an all-too-obvious once-over, from head to toe. “Let’s go upstairs,” she says. “It’s too fucking crowded in here.”

They go to the master bedroom. Beth steals a bottle of whiskey, dark and expensive, from the liquor cabinet. Addy doesn’t sit down; she closes the door and then leans against it, watches Beth sit on the bed, watches Beth watch her, like always. “You’re being weird,” Beth tells her. “I didn’t bring you here so you could be fucking boring all night.” She takes a pull from the bottle. Addy knows she’s being mean on purpose, like the summer Addy got her period first and Beth asked her if she was surfing the crimson tidal wave in front of the creepy guy who used to work behind the counter at the QuikMart. 

Addy looks at Beth. “I’m not here to entertain you. If you’re bored you can always leave.” She falls onto the bed, takes the bottle, drinks. She doesn’t take her eyes off of Beth’s.

Beth smiles. “Maybe you’re not so boring after all.” She licks her lips and leans forward. “Remember the first time we drank whiskey? You gagged on it like a baby.” She moves closer until she’s practically on top of Addy. “Are you gonna gag for me tonight, Adelaide?”

Addy half-heartedly shoves at Beth. If anyone else were here, she’d be embarrassed, but they’re alone, so nothing Beth is saying counts, not really. “Fuck off. You know I have a sensitive gag reflex.”

“I know all about your gag reflex,” Beth says. “You can’t even eat bananas, you’d probably give the worst blow jobs in the world.” 

“Whatever,” Addy says, rolling her eyes. “Bananas are gross. You bite into them and it’s like you’re biting into pudding. Like, thick, bad pudding.” She knows she’s not making a lot of sense, but it doesn’t matter. 

Beth smiles fondly. “You are so drunk.”

“So are you. And—“ Addy props herself up on her elbows—“I don’t know why it would matter that I can’t suck dick. With you around, why would anyone even want a blowjob from me?” She gives Beth her sweetest smile. Beth scowls, takes the bottle and moves toward the door. Addy stops her, grabs her arm. 

“Come back. I wanna keep drinking.” Addy pries the bottle from Beth’s hands. “And I don’t wanna drink alone.” Beth makes her way back to the bed; when she sits down, Addy pulls her into her lap. She knows, somewhere deep inside, that this is what Beth wanted all along. She chooses not to think about the fact that it’s what she wants, too. She kisses Beth’s hair, feels Beth relax into her. “I’ll be good, okay? I promise. Just stay.”

Beth sighs. “You’re so annoying,” she says, but there’s no heat behind it. She turns to face Addy; with a very serious look on her face, she says, “I’ll miss you next week.” She clears her throat. “Like, when I’m gone.” Addy doesn’t say anything at first, just watches. Beth frowns. “Are you gonna say it back?” 

Addy waits and waits, probably too long judging by the look on Beth’s face, then says it: “Yeah. Totally.” She loops her arm around Beth’s waist, holding her close while she still can.


End file.
